I don’t normally talk much about my faith in this blog. It’s not because I’m scared to or afraid I will offend someone, I just forget. I’ve forgotten a lot lately and that’s when something radically changed in my life. You see, I used t be heavily involved in a ministry for college called Campus Crusade for Christ. The name itself gives you the idea that we would run around, burning and killing people if they didn’t come to Christ. Totally opposite actually. Cru (the short name) is a non-denominational organization, meaning that anyone denomination (Baptist, Methodist, etc) of Christianity can come and worship. In fact, we actually preferred you come if you weren’t Christian at all.
This brings me to another point, the word Christian bugs me. I follow after Jesus, the son of God, but the word Christian has been given such a bad name. People label themselves as Christians but do not follow after Jesus Christ nor do they live life like he did. I am definitely not a good example of a Christian because I fall from grace every day.
Anyway, this could go on and on… but the point is that although I do consider myself a Christian, I don’t like to use the term because a lot of bad ( as well as good) is associated with it. Instead, I consider myself a follower of Jesus.
Gray and I attend a non-denominational church called Fellowship Bible Church. Some people would consider the denomination “Bible church” but I prefer non-denominational. Whatever. It was started in Little Rock, AR and slowly spread throughout the South. I love it. The style is different from the Southern Baptist church I grew up in. We attend a Sunday morning service but there is no Sunday school for adults, only the kids. The kids service goes on while the main worship service is going on. I actually teach the 3 year olds two Sundays every month and I love it. Instead of Sunday School, we have community groups. Those occur bi-monthly and are usually pretty small, 6-8 couples at max. Gray and I have been in the same community group for over a year now and are finally feeling like we belong.
Although the church doesn’t have a service besides Sunday morning, they do offer other venues. For example, at least once a month they offer an equipping session which is sort of like Sunday night classes. It is over a hot topic of today’s society and informs and equips the body to use tools for evangelism. Most recently there was an equipping seminar over stress and anxiety.
This summer the church is offering two bible studies for women only. I had the choice to choose between Esther (Beth Moore) or a study of the book “Having a Mary heart in a Martha world.” I chose the latter book because I didn’t really want a Beth Moore bible study and although Esther is a motivating book in the Bible, the other choice was better for me.
Oh it is better for me.
I’ve only read two chapters and I’m already so aware of how I’ve pulled myself away from God. It’s not as though I turned away from God, because I haven’t, more so I’ve just not put an effort into the relationship. Yes, I truly consider that in order to get the most out of being a Christ follower, I must put an effort into my relationship with God. It’s an area that gets put to the back burner most days but it really needs to be a priority. When I make it a priority my day is so much better and I’m such a different, better person.
So I started reading the bible study and realized how far I’ve let myself slide. I’ve become selffish, controlling, and irritable, just to name some of what I’ve realized. The first step to fixing all of that is to realize that I’ve been them. I’ll be the first to tell you that I have an issue with judging people. I constantly tell myself that I should not judge because I’m the same way, but it doesn’t stop me from judging in my head. I’m learning that gossip is not good, and I really should just be telling God what I think so that he can knock me on the head and tell me, “Uhm, you’re the same way, remember?”
SO yeah, when I went to the bible study I was nervous. I’m not really into going to women’s events if I dont know anyone. It make me uncomfortable not knowing anyone, it’s awkward.
I was so thankful that a woman from my community group was at the bible studyand immediately felt better. I learned a lot that night, but mostly that I am totally not alone when it comes to the issues I face. For every question I answered, there was at least one other woman who was struggling with wanting to control, feeling as though God wasn’t there (even though we know he is), and just feeling inadequate.
So if you struggle in those areas, know you aren’t alone. God knows we can’t be perfect, that’s why he sent Jesus. I am so thankful for the grace he gives and I honestly pray that if you don’t know Him, that you would come to know him. My life is so much more peaceful knowing Him and I’m a much better person in general when I spend time with Him.
