The Sanborns

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting at my parent’s house, listening to the wind outside. It will probably not be a white Christmas for us, more like a rainy and wet day instead. We will be eating brunch with my siblings and their spouses/kids tomorrow and then heading out on the trek towards Memphis for part two of Christmas.

I’m going to start working on a New Year’s resolutions post, but first I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. We are so blessed and fortunate to be able to celebrate such an amazing thing as the birth of our Savior.

I get a little ruffled at Christmas because I tire of all the Santa talk. I bought presents for my loved ones because I simply, love them. I like to see them happy on Christmas when they open something I picked out for them. The truth is, I don’t want my kids to grow up believing in Santa to be real or the big deal. Will my kids learn about jolly old St. Nick? Yes, but he won’t be anything more than a fictional character based upon a generous old man who did great things in Europe. I love Santa movies, but I love even more the real story behind Christmas.

Anyway, I hope you are your family have a wonderful, merry Christmas!

So, I was listening to Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” and decided to look up and watch the music video. You know, the music video that won her an award where Kanye decided to be a douche. Yeah, that one.

This video made me cry (at the library none-the-less) and I started thinking about why.

You see, women are fed a lot of crap by the media. We’re told we should be perfectly skinny, great hair and makeup, and of course, land the man of our dreams.

After watching that video, a little part of my heart cried out for a love like that. Seriously.

Now I am happily married to a great man, but even I still fall victim to these thoughts. You know, the ones when you watch a great romance where the couple are happily ever after in love? Well, when I was done with this music video, I began to remind myself that although they seem all happily ever after in love, that’s where it cuts off. They don’t show the bad moments, the ones where they probably fought a lot about petty little issues.

See, I do have that happily ever after in love with Gray, but it’s not without other issues. That’s just called being a human.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that it is SO easy to get caught up in a perfect love story that you forget to remember that it’s not real or realistic at all. Yes, you CAN have a great love story, but it’s not going to be without some kind of hurt. We watch these perfect love stories and then feel unsatisfied when our own lives go off rail. “Why can’t my life be like that?” Because it’s not real.

When I look back on 2008, the year I got married, I remember thinking that the entire year just plain sucked. Getting married did not pull me out of a funk that is called trying to find a job in a lousy economy. It did not save me from the fact that I thought marriage would be an easy ride without hardships. OK, so I knew there would be hardships, but it’s like I would forgot about that until I hit a bump.

The point being is that marriage did not make me any happier. It didn’t solve any of my problems. It gave me a lot, that is for sure, because my husband is pretty awesome, but he’s not without faults. I am not without faults.

When I watch movies like Pride and Prejudice I get sucked into all the romance and just wish Gray would be a little more like Mr. Darcy. It’s not fair to Gray at all.

Just some observances from my own marriage and thoughts. I do like a good romance story, but a lot of them are just female porn, making us believe love is a certain perfect way, when it’s not.

A year and a half ago I became Mrs. Sanborn. Time has really flown! It’s hard to believe that we first liked each other four years ago this month.

I was asked to lead a bible study for Cru on campus this semester. I was very involved with them as a student (the first time around) and was flattered they thought of me! I met with an old bible study leader of mine, Jenny Rone, who is now the Women’s ministry director at my church. She suggested a few bible studies and I ended up choosing one titled “Seeking Him.”

I originally wanted to do a study called “Gospel Transformation” because it was my favorite study as an undergrad student. This one has turned out to be a lot like it, so that makes me happy. The study focuses on revival in your heart and community. I’m liking it so far, and it helps that the girls I’m leading are pretty awesome.

Every time I open this study, it kicks my butt, in a good way! There are so many times in which I am prideful and sometimes you have to read it before you realize how often it happens in your own life. I’m so quick to judge others when I’m just as bad, if not worse!

I’ve always felt like you get more out of a bible study by leading it and this is no exception. I’m loving what I am learning and I hope I can keep applying it to my daily life.

I can’t believe it is October already. I seem to be stubborn in the fact that it is quickly becoming too cold to wear my croc sandals anymore. Me stubborn? hah.

Today Gray and I have been married for one year and five months. It is hard to believe that next month will be a year and a half. Where is the time going?! The second year has already been better than the first year, a pattern I can only hope continues in the future. We’ve got several activities going on this month already. This weekend we will be on the A-Team at church, which helps to set everything up and then takes it down after the service. Next weekend is fall break so we’re going to McEwen for a few days and then to Memphis for a few days. I’m looking forward to the visits. The weekend after that includes a Halloween costume party and the weekend after that is Halloween!

I am actually going to do a few project this weekend, including carving my pumpkin (hopefully) and something deco-rational for our party. If it turns out well, I’ll post pictures.

I took Gray with me to the Rec. Center yesterday. I asked him if he would go running with me and then the rain started so we opted to go inside. He ended up just walking around the track, and I ran about 2.62 miles. I finally mapped out how many laps is 3.1 (5k) miles so I can train in there if I want to. I got the nike+ ipod gadget this past week and it’s great! Of course, I have to calibrate it to the right amount of distance, but it is still useful. THe only thing left for my running gear is a heart-rate monitoring watch. I have one that I want to get and it’s only $50-60.. maybe for Christmas?

Oh! We made a beef stew last night in the crock pot and it was amazing. It came from my S&D magazine so I’ll try to post the recipe the next time I make it… I do believe it will become a staple!

Where did the summer go? On Monday Gray and I return to school and work in a new semester. I’m not sure how I feel about returning again. My classes are as follows: Intro to Accounting, Microbiology w/lab, Women’s Studies, Professionalism in Nursing, and Pilates. I will be applying to nursing school at MTSU this fall and I hope to gain admission.

We went to campus today so I could print off my schedules at the lab. I looked at Cummings Hall, the dormitory I first lived in on campus, and found it pretty deserted for opening day. However, it was raining when we went. It’s so weird to think that six years ago I was a freshman on this very campus and I had not yet met the people I consider to my best friends. How far I have come in those six years… I have a degree in Communication and I’m now married. It’s surreal.

I was printing off my schedule when a new student asked how to use the printers. I felt myself smiling as I told him how and realized how often I will hear that question in the coming weeks. I can only hope my patience holds out as I explain again and again how to use the software.

There have been some changes in our lives the past week, changes I won’t talk about until official, but let’s just say that God is in control and he knows where we are meant to serve him and is making possible these changes. We have been asked to serve at church in different way than I ever expected to, more details on that once I’ve experienced the change.

In many ways I feel as though I am a freshman once again because I’m going through school and I don’t really know many people in my classes. I’m not afraid of the new semester, just curious to see how it all works out. I’m a perfectionist and with that comes fear that I can’t make everything perfect.

I look forward to Monday as it brings a new chapter in my life, one that I have been resisting because it didn’t make sense to go in that direction.

Well, that direction, although scary, is precisely where I need to be, right now.

I’m fully OK with being uncertain because I know it’s where I’m supposed to be.

I must admit that I haven’t even started on my birthday weekend post. I keep thinking of what I should write and then I get distracted.

The fact is this week has been really depressing for me. I turned 24 years old on Sunday, and although I was surrounded by family, I really feel like I was missing something. It did really hurt me that only a few friends even bothered acknowledging my birthday. I guess I know who my true friends are.

Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me except that I tried really hard this past year to keep up with friend’s birthdays… and several of them didn’t even say hello on mine. I’m not good at being a friend, I know this sometimes. I hate talking on the phone, it’s so impersonal. I’d rather see you in person or shoot a quick email. As much as I want to blame myself, I know that friendship is supposed to be a two way street.

Anyway, this week the weather has been rainy and I believe that has affected my mood as well. I’m tired of being stuck in ruts, I want to be free of them! I know that sometimes I hold myself in those ruts, but I think acknowledging them is a good first step.

Looking back on this week, I realize that I’ve been trying to handle a lot on my own. I tend to get whiny and complain when I need to be rejoicing with what I do have. I may not be able to maintain every friendship that I want to, but the least I can do is to put forth effort into those that appreciate me back. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the past two years and I’m a different person. I need to realize this and stop trying to keep things the way they used to be.

It’s been a rough summer on Gray. He spent a lot of time looking for a job and never found one. Thankfully, God provided for us throughout the summer and we’re fine financially. I truly believe that God knew Gray needed a break and provided for one. I can’t believe the summer is almost over, although I have a whole month left before starting back to school. I have a week left at work before I get three weeks off. I imagine I will watch a lot of 24 in those weeks.

As much as I whine and complain, I do know I am blessed. Sometimes I just need a helpful reminder.

I don’t normally talk much about my faith in this blog. It’s not because I’m scared to or afraid I will offend someone, I just forget. I’ve forgotten a lot lately and that’s when something radically changed in my life. You see, I used t be heavily involved in a ministry for college called Campus Crusade for Christ. The name itself gives you the idea that we would run around, burning and killing people if they didn’t come to Christ. Totally opposite actually. Cru (the short name) is a non-denominational organization, meaning that anyone denomination (Baptist, Methodist, etc) of Christianity can come and worship. In fact, we actually preferred you come if you weren’t Christian at all.

This brings me to another point, the word Christian bugs me. I follow after Jesus, the son of God, but the word Christian has been given such a bad name. People label themselves as Christians but do not follow after Jesus Christ nor do they live life like he did. I am definitely not a good example of a Christian because I fall from grace every day.

Anyway, this could go on and on… but the point is that although I do consider myself a Christian, I don’t like to use the term because a lot of bad ( as well as good) is associated with it. Instead, I consider myself a follower of Jesus.

Gray and I attend a non-denominational church called Fellowship Bible Church. Some people would consider the denomination “Bible church” but I prefer non-denominational. Whatever. It was started in Little Rock, AR and slowly spread throughout the South. I love it. The style is different from the Southern Baptist church I grew up in. We attend a Sunday morning service but there is no Sunday school for adults, only the kids. The kids service goes on while the main worship service is going on. I actually teach the 3 year olds two Sundays every month and I love it. Instead of Sunday School, we have community groups. Those occur bi-monthly and are usually pretty small, 6-8 couples at max.  Gray and I have been in the same community group for over a year now and are finally feeling like we belong.

Although the church doesn’t have a service besides Sunday morning, they do offer other venues. For example, at least once a month they offer an equipping session which is sort of like Sunday night classes. It is over a hot topic of today’s society and informs and equips the body to use tools for evangelism. Most recently there was an equipping seminar over stress and anxiety.

This summer the church is offering two bible studies for women only. I had the choice to choose between Esther (Beth Moore) or a study of the book “Having a Mary heart in a Martha world.” I chose the latter book because I didn’t really want a Beth Moore bible study and although Esther is a motivating book in the Bible, the other choice was better for me.

Oh it is better for me.

I’ve only read two chapters and I’m already so aware of how I’ve pulled myself away from God. It’s not as though I turned away from God, because I haven’t, more so I’ve just not put an effort into the relationship. Yes, I truly consider that in order to get the most out of being a Christ follower, I must put an effort into my relationship with God. It’s an area that gets put to the back burner most days but it really needs to be a priority. When I make it a priority my day is so much better and I’m such a different, better person.

So I started reading the bible study and realized how far I’ve let myself slide. I’ve become selffish, controlling, and irritable, just to name some of what I’ve realized. The first step to fixing all of that is to realize that I’ve been them. I’ll be the first to tell you that I have an issue with judging people. I constantly tell myself that I should not judge because I’m the same way, but it doesn’t stop me from judging in my head. I’m learning that gossip is not good, and I really should just be telling God what I think so that he can knock me on the head and tell me, “Uhm, you’re the same way, remember?”

SO yeah, when I went to the bible study I was nervous. I’m not really into going to women’s events if I dont know anyone. It make me uncomfortable not knowing anyone, it’s awkward.

I was so thankful that a woman from my community group was at the bible studyand immediately felt better. I learned a lot that night, but mostly that I am totally not alone when it comes to the issues I face. For every question I answered, there was at least one other woman who was struggling with wanting to control, feeling as though God wasn’t there (even though we know he is), and just feeling inadequate.

So if you struggle in those areas, know you aren’t alone. God knows we can’t be perfect, that’s why he sent Jesus. I am so thankful for the grace he gives and I honestly pray that if you don’t know Him, that you would come to know him. My life is so much more peaceful knowing Him and I’m a much better person in general when I spend time with Him.

Gray and I thought the day was so beautiful on Saturday that we chose to drive over to the greenway in town and walk . I enjoy walking there, it gives us a chance to check in and discuss plans and the future.

The river was up quite a bit because of all the rain we’ve been getting.

Gray loves the waterfalls

The waterfalls

We actually had engagement pictures taken here, and we were sitting up where the waterfall is currently flowing. At that time it was very low and we were able to sit on a dry creek bed. We were actually here a few weeks ago and could stand where the trees are in the front of the picture.

We were halfway down the greenway in one direction when I decided it would be fun to walk all the way down the greenway to where the tornado came through town. Yeah, that part is only 2 miles down the greenway, a fact I didn’t really think through.

On the way we actually found a turtle on the path.

I had to have a picture with our new friend, "Snappy."

We ended up letting him loose in the river, but not before several people asked about him.

We finally made it over to the area where the tornado went through and once again, I was in awe. I decided not to take pictures, I’m not sure why, but it feels like I’m invading their lives. The area looks like a construction zone, it’s completely bare and you can saw across the river to the homes that were hit.

It was a reminder of how grateful we are of what God has done in our lives and marriage. We’re so thankful to have made it to one year, together.