The Sanborns

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m sitting at my parent’s house, listening to the wind outside. It will probably not be a white Christmas for us, more like a rainy and wet day instead. We will be eating brunch with my siblings and their spouses/kids tomorrow and then heading out on the trek towards Memphis for part two of Christmas.

I’m going to start working on a New Year’s resolutions post, but first I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. We are so blessed and fortunate to be able to celebrate such an amazing thing as the birth of our Savior.

I get a little ruffled at Christmas because I tire of all the Santa talk. I bought presents for my loved ones because I simply, love them. I like to see them happy on Christmas when they open something I picked out for them. The truth is, I don’t want my kids to grow up believing in Santa to be real or the big deal. Will my kids learn about jolly old St. Nick? Yes, but he won’t be anything more than a fictional character based upon a generous old man who did great things in Europe. I love Santa movies, but I love even more the real story behind Christmas.

Anyway, I hope you are your family have a wonderful, merry Christmas!

I was asked to lead a bible study for Cru on campus this semester. I was very involved with them as a student (the first time around) and was flattered they thought of me! I met with an old bible study leader of mine, Jenny Rone, who is now the Women’s ministry director at my church. She suggested a few bible studies and I ended up choosing one titled “Seeking Him.”

I originally wanted to do a study called “Gospel Transformation” because it was my favorite study as an undergrad student. This one has turned out to be a lot like it, so that makes me happy. The study focuses on revival in your heart and community. I’m liking it so far, and it helps that the girls I’m leading are pretty awesome.

Every time I open this study, it kicks my butt, in a good way! There are so many times in which I am prideful and sometimes you have to read it before you realize how often it happens in your own life. I’m so quick to judge others when I’m just as bad, if not worse!

I’ve always felt like you get more out of a bible study by leading it and this is no exception. I’m loving what I am learning and I hope I can keep applying it to my daily life.

I don’t normally talk much about my faith in this blog. It’s not because I’m scared to or afraid I will offend someone, I just forget. I’ve forgotten a lot lately and that’s when something radically changed in my life. You see, I used t be heavily involved in a ministry for college called Campus Crusade for Christ. The name itself gives you the idea that we would run around, burning and killing people if they didn’t come to Christ. Totally opposite actually. Cru (the short name) is a non-denominational organization, meaning that anyone denomination (Baptist, Methodist, etc) of Christianity can come and worship. In fact, we actually preferred you come if you weren’t Christian at all.

This brings me to another point, the word Christian bugs me. I follow after Jesus, the son of God, but the word Christian has been given such a bad name. People label themselves as Christians but do not follow after Jesus Christ nor do they live life like he did. I am definitely not a good example of a Christian because I fall from grace every day.

Anyway, this could go on and on… but the point is that although I do consider myself a Christian, I don’t like to use the term because a lot of bad ( as well as good) is associated with it. Instead, I consider myself a follower of Jesus.

Gray and I attend a non-denominational church called Fellowship Bible Church. Some people would consider the denomination “Bible church” but I prefer non-denominational. Whatever. It was started in Little Rock, AR and slowly spread throughout the South. I love it. The style is different from the Southern Baptist church I grew up in. We attend a Sunday morning service but there is no Sunday school for adults, only the kids. The kids service goes on while the main worship service is going on. I actually teach the 3 year olds two Sundays every month and I love it. Instead of Sunday School, we have community groups. Those occur bi-monthly and are usually pretty small, 6-8 couples at max.  Gray and I have been in the same community group for over a year now and are finally feeling like we belong.

Although the church doesn’t have a service besides Sunday morning, they do offer other venues. For example, at least once a month they offer an equipping session which is sort of like Sunday night classes. It is over a hot topic of today’s society and informs and equips the body to use tools for evangelism. Most recently there was an equipping seminar over stress and anxiety.

This summer the church is offering two bible studies for women only. I had the choice to choose between Esther (Beth Moore) or a study of the book “Having a Mary heart in a Martha world.” I chose the latter book because I didn’t really want a Beth Moore bible study and although Esther is a motivating book in the Bible, the other choice was better for me.

Oh it is better for me.

I’ve only read two chapters and I’m already so aware of how I’ve pulled myself away from God. It’s not as though I turned away from God, because I haven’t, more so I’ve just not put an effort into the relationship. Yes, I truly consider that in order to get the most out of being a Christ follower, I must put an effort into my relationship with God. It’s an area that gets put to the back burner most days but it really needs to be a priority. When I make it a priority my day is so much better and I’m such a different, better person.

So I started reading the bible study and realized how far I’ve let myself slide. I’ve become selffish, controlling, and irritable, just to name some of what I’ve realized. The first step to fixing all of that is to realize that I’ve been them. I’ll be the first to tell you that I have an issue with judging people. I constantly tell myself that I should not judge because I’m the same way, but it doesn’t stop me from judging in my head. I’m learning that gossip is not good, and I really should just be telling God what I think so that he can knock me on the head and tell me, “Uhm, you’re the same way, remember?”

SO yeah, when I went to the bible study I was nervous. I’m not really into going to women’s events if I dont know anyone. It make me uncomfortable not knowing anyone, it’s awkward.

I was so thankful that a woman from my community group was at the bible studyand immediately felt better. I learned a lot that night, but mostly that I am totally not alone when it comes to the issues I face. For every question I answered, there was at least one other woman who was struggling with wanting to control, feeling as though God wasn’t there (even though we know he is), and just feeling inadequate.

So if you struggle in those areas, know you aren’t alone. God knows we can’t be perfect, that’s why he sent Jesus. I am so thankful for the grace he gives and I honestly pray that if you don’t know Him, that you would come to know him. My life is so much more peaceful knowing Him and I’m a much better person in general when I spend time with Him.